Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Dear Mom,

How are you?  I'm doing ok tonight.  Just been thinking a lot about you lately.  Lots of reminiscing, lots of memories, lots of thinking about how the year has gone by so quickly.

Tonight I had solo practice & I finally feel ok with my songs...beginning to end.  I plan on getting in some dance time every night up until we leave...every night except for saturday anyway.

About a week ago I came across a blog that brought back so many things.

This was the first entry that I read...CLICK HERE.

And then today, i went back & read that her daddy had passed & read this....CLICK HERE.

I remember the last 24 hours so vividly....but I will save it for another day.

I love you.  so.  much.  I miss you, your smile, your will to fight, your love for everyone.  I miss holding your hand, I miss kissing you hello & goodbye,  I miss going in to the house to find you sitting in the recliner with your bags ready to go,  I miss helping you down the stairs & I miss helping you get in to the van.  I miss the massive amounts of kleenex that were in your pockets.  I miss how you couldn't speak a whole sentence without taking a breath in the middle of it.  I miss how with just one look, i knew whether you were having a good day or a bad day.

I remember last year at Ia Oe, I was the last to arrive in Oakland & the van that I was in was late to the venue.  When we walked in to the dressing room, it was so obvious that everyone had been crying & i had missed whatever had just happened.  I looked over to you, sitting on the seat of the walker & you waved me over.  I went to kiss you hello & you hugged me & said "i'm so glad that you're here."  Even though I had a rough day that day prior to that, with Marcel going in to the ER finding out that he was diabetic, I too was so glad to be there with you.

I love you....

Monday, October 11, 2010

Hi Mama,

How are you today?  Anything exciting?  Not much going on today, other than the usual here at home, then i'll be heading to halau later on.  Palua & Kane have practice tonight.  We're down to the last weeks before Ia Oe & we're getting down to the "cleaning up" in all of our songs.  I'm feeling pretty confident in our group songs, kahiko & auana, but not so much in my solo songs.  I'm having a hard time putting together my kahiko & making it flow.  It's frustrating.

Guess who's coming?  Gram!!  She arrives here on the night before we leave for Ia Oe, then we fly to Oakland the following day for 5 days, then she'll be coming back to Seattle until we all fly home the following week.  It'll be so nice to have her here & travel with halau.  I'm especially looking forward to her being here for your one year.

Last week, 16 of us traveled to San Jose for Ka Hula Hou.  We had the best time.  For us girls that traveled, it was so relaxing & nice to just be there & support & help where needed.  For the boys, they worked hard & did great.  You know what was nice, Uncle Mark mentioned you a couple of times & even after the competition was done, we had a moment in the back dressing room, we cried & he mentioned how he missed you.  We had a similar moment last year at Ia Oe & that was before you had even left us.  A few folks actually asked where you were or shared their condolences with us.  It's so nice to know that you are missed.

I can't believe how fast the time has gone by.  While i'm sad that i can't share the daily things with you & have you here for selfish reasons, i'm so happy that you are healthy & stronger than you've ever been.  I can give up my selfish needs to have you smiling, laughing, breathing well & enjoying life to the fullest.  I know that you are always looking down on me, dad, my family & halau & that you miss us too.