Saturday, January 30, 2010

Dear Mama,

Hi!!  Anything exciting today?  Guess what we did?  We had Auntie Charlene's surprise birthday party today.  It was GREAT & she had NO CLUE.  I know that we've known about this upcoming party for over a year now & it all worked out great.  We told her that we were doing a catering in Auburn.  Uncle asked her to make sushi & she did....for her own party! LOL  Uncle met her at the halau & then he brought her to the church where we were all waiting for her in our "Wai'anae" t-shirts.  It was GREAT!!  I know that she was completely clueless & was so appreciative.

Hoku brought me over pictures of Auntie last week so that I could do a slideshow & I did.  I cried a lot during it, because there were so many photos of you & her together.  I think I have a photo of her doing your hair/makeup every year since 2005.  I love it.  She came up to me & thanked me for the slideshow afterwards & I told her that you knew about the party too & we cried together.

I miss you.

I know that you were with us today in spirit, but like usual...I wish more than anything that you could've been there with us today.  I know you would've had a great time.

I love you.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Dear Mom,

How are you today?? Anything exciting on your side? Nothing here right now. Yesterday, Dad, Kapua, Auntie Sue, Uncle Pete, Auntie Patsy, Uncle Earl, Aloha & I went to lunch with Auntie Charlene for her birthday. We went to Anthony's at Pt. Defiance. They talked about your last Secret Society lunch there & how funny it was & how loud you folks were & the game that you guys played. I know that you would've had a great time with us today.

Today, Auntie Sue, Ry & I took a drive to Bobby's to get the kalua pig for our catering this Saturday (wink, wink). Auntie Diana & Uncle Bobby are doing well. Auntie Sue & I talked alot about you & how we were missing you.

Kapua & I have been trying our best to help Uncle with all of the halau stuff. It's no easy task. I don't know how you did it by yourself. I along with some of the girls have been looking to find us a new halau which is also no easy task. Places are just so expensive & i don't know why when the economy is so crappy.

Well, I hope that you are doing well & that you miss me just as much as I miss you. I hope that you are filling your days with all kinds of good fun things.

I love you...

Friday, January 22, 2010

Dear Mom,

Ugh....i miss you.

I've been missing you so much lately. I've been crying off & on since last night. Just the thought of you, things you did, things you said, images of your face....makes me cry.

I just wish that I could have you here again for one more day. Just one. I'd make it the best day ever. I'm not sure what we'd do exactly, but I know that I would take the time to hug you more, to hold your hand, to tell you that I love you over & over & tell you that I never regretted my desicion to leave my job to help take care of you & make sure that I was there with you throughout all of your appointments & stuff. NEVER.

I sometimes feel bad, because I know that a week prior to you leaving, that Marcel found out that he was diabetic & I was struggling with trying to keep up with what was going on with you & the new found things that were going on with him at the same time. In my mind, I was having a battle with myself trying to stay calm & that all was going to be ok with time. To only have you leave a week later...I kind of felt like God took you because I was getting overwhelmed. And it's not true...I could've adjusted. It's just not fair.

I think of you every night before I go to sleep & wonder if you're there with me. In my mind, my Ry sleeps through the nights now because you're there sleeping & snuggling with her.

I miss you so much today & everyday...

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Dear Mom,

Anything exciting today?  Nothing for me other than I am SICK!  I have bronchitis & I think that maybe my bff gave it to me. LOL  But that's ok, I still love her.  I woke up on Friday morning with a sore throat & I was down all weekend long.  I got in to the dr yesterday & left with a prescription for antibiotics.  So far the kids are ok though.  I'm trying my best to wash my hands, not cough near them, etc.  I've been coughing so hard since Friday night that my chest & stomach is sore, so i hunch over to relieve the pain.  It reminds me of you, when you used to do that.  I also have that sudden cough and gasp for a deep breath to get it out just like you too.  This is no fun.

I think of you everyday & wonder what you're doing.  Wondering if you're still watching your Y&R at 11am, wondering who you're having lunch with today, wondering if you're with Grandpa Sam all the time, wondering if you miss me.

In the past 2 weeks, I've gotten phone calls.  The first was from Okekai about a week & half ago.  She said that Steven had a dream about you, you had your hair up & was wearing your halau shirt & you told him that
"everything was going to be ok,"  he asked you what was going to be ok & again you told him "everything is going to be ok."  She said that when he woke up, he received a phone call that his Grandma had passed away.  She had been sick for some time & was on hospice.  And then this past Friday night, Uncle Pete had called & while he was walking in to his living room, he told Auntie Sue that it smelled like halau over there.  So she told him that she had just put a few photos of you on their table by the door & that maybe you were there visiting.  I'm glad that you're making your rounds...everyone misses you.

Well i'm going to go have some coffee & hope that it stops the coughing for a little bit & gives me a little energy to get some stuff done around the house.

I love you so much...

Friday, January 15, 2010

Dear Mama,

I can't believe you've been gone for 2 months already.  The time just flew by.  Some days I feel ok & that I'm moving along quite well, but there are mornings where I scroll through your pictures on my computer or watch our hula videos so that I can watch you walk out from behind the curtain to play Hinano.

I continue to show Ry your pictures & everytime she see's you, she smiles & giggles.  She remembers you & I love that.  I will continue to show her them as she grows up.  I don't ever want her to not know who you are by sight.

I've been working hard with Kapua on trying to keep halau functioning.  That is NO EASY task.  There's so much stuff to do all the time...how'd you do that?  And alone?  Sheesh...super woman! :)

Well I have to take Nunu to school now.  I love you & miss you every day....

Monday, January 11, 2010

Dear Mom,

Good morning!!  Anything exciting today?  Nothing at all on my end.  It's rainy & gross outside.  I just got home from dropping of Nunu at school, Ry's taking a nap & Marcel is asleep.  He worked last night, but got off around 11pm.

Ry is still sleeping well, although I wish I could get her down a little later in the evening.  She's so tired by 9-9:30, that it's hard to keep her awake.  I put her to bed at 9:15 last night & she woke up around 3:30, then for the morning at 7am.  But I can tell that she was still tired, so that explains why she's back in bed before 9am.

Nunu is doing well.  Getting "older" with that "i'm getting older attitude."  But she knows who she can/can't do it to.  We started a new chore chart thing last week & she's been doing so well with it.  I told her that at the end of the month if she can do all of her chores without being told to do them, then she can get a new DS game.  She has a few games that she doesn't play anyway, so I figured that I could take her to trade some in for a new one.

Marcel is working 3-4 days a week on average which is pretty good right now.  I'm afraid of the slow down though, which is later than usual.  He's no longer on insulin & still continues to watch what he eats.  He's doing so well.

I am ok.  Last week I finally had the feeling where I wanted to clean house, get things in order, etc.  It's been so long since my house had a good deep cleaning.  Kapua watched Ry for me one day so that I could do it & I got all but my room/bathroom done & the rec room area.  But I'm ok with that.  I'm slowly but surely getting my room done when I have some down time.

Yesterday was our first Mai Kahiki Mai meeting for our ho'olaule'a on May 1st.  The meeting went well & don't worry, I took your notes.  :)  Everyone's got their jobs & I know that this year will be successful.

I miss you everyday.  I miss that I can't call you & tell you what I did for the day or the exciting things that Ry's accomplishing.  She's starting to pull herself up on to her feet, but everytime that i grab the camera, she never does it.   I just wish that you were still here...

I love you...

Friday, January 9, 2010

Dear Mama,

Good morning!! Anything exciting today?  Nothing on my end.  It's a little after 11am & I'm done running my errands for the day & Ry is down for her first nap.  She's been doing well sleeping through the night.  Except for last night.  She fell asleep on the way home from dinner & I couldn't wake her up to have a bottle, so I put her down around 11pm & she woke up around 2:45am.  BUT...when Marcel came home, he put her in her crib around 5am & she slept until 8:15am.  I'm sure that I could've put her back in her crib after she had her bottle, but I fell asleep.

Halau is doing good.  Everyone still misses you, your presence...everything about you.  There were a few tears shed this week as Hinano (the bass, for those that don't know lol) was pulled out of her case for the first time since your service.  Practice was good last night & today I'm sore, but that's a good thing.  Today, I went to pick up a new 2010 wall calendar, because our days are getting filled up with events, shows & caterings already.

I spoke with Auntie Day today & I'm planning to meet her in Vegas for the family reunion.  I'm not sure if Dad is going, but Uncle & Auntie Charlene want to go.  I remember telling you that just Marcel & I were going to go & that we were going to leave the kids home & you insisted on bringing them...well I'm going to take them, just as you wanted.  Still not sure if Marcel is going yet though.

We're all doing just fine.  We miss you everyday.

I love you...

Monday, January 4, 2010

Dear Mom,

GUESS WHAT?  GUESS WHAT?  GUESS WHAT?  Ry slept 2 nights in a row for longer than 3 hours!!  I KNOW!!  Can you believe it?  On Saturday night, she slept from 12:30am until 9:30am.  And then she even napped good during the day yesterday!!  The first nap was from 10:45 until 2:30, then the second nap was from 4:30 until 7:30.  CRAZY RIGHT?  And then....last night I put her down at 10:15, expecting her to wake up around midnight (so I stayed up until 1am) & she slept all the way until Marcel got home from work at 5am.  He fed her a bottle & she went back to bed.  AND she's still sleeping (it's 9:30am right now)!!

CAN YOU BELIEVE IT!?  LOL

I feel amazing this morning!  Probably because this is the first time in 9 1/2 months that I've gotten 2 back to back nights of straight sleep.  It's GREAT!!

Nunu started back at school today...thank God for me ok?  :)  I know she's getting older, because she's "bored" all the time.  Today when she left for school, she looked older to me.  That "i'm starting to look like a teenager" look...i'm not ready for that.

Well I hope that you are having a good day.  I love you...

Saturday, January 2, 2010

Happy New Year Mama!!

I had originally planned on writing yesterday but had nothing other than "happy new year."  What did you folks do?  Did you play games?  We spent the evening at Kapua's house with her family, my family, Uncle, Auntie Charlene, Aloha, Prentice & all the kids.  We ate tons & laughed.  I missed you so much when we went around the room to say "happy new year" & to give hugs & kisses.  It's just not the same...

Yesterday, I had originally planned on cleaning the house (like clean-clean with no one home), but my plan kind of fell through & I didn't get much done.  I was having anxiety issues off & on though...I'd had it in my brain to put all of your things (the cards from your services, old birthday cards, my favorite photos, your obituary's, the guestbooks, etc) all in this turquoise fabric box that you'd given me back when Ry was born.  But everytime I took something over to the box to put it in there, I'd get this anxious feeling & had a hard time putting them inside.  I felt like I was storing memories of you in a box to be put away & forgotten about & I don't want to forget ANYTHING.  So most items are still on my dining room table so that I can look at them & see them as I wish.  It's going to take time...

Well I hope that you are doing well & enjoying yourself.  Please give everyone a hug & a honi from me & let them know that I love them too.

I love you...