Dear Mama,
Anything exciting today? Not much here. I was up early, ran my errands early & spent majority of the day here at home. This evening, I took Nunu to my inlaws & spent some time over there while they played with Ry. My inlaws & Nunu are going clam digging tomorrow. Something about being out there in the cold rain doesn't sound appealing. Marcel is working tonight & I just put Ry down for the night...so I have some quiet time & am enjoying it while watching the Olympics.
Short track is intense, isn't it!?
I've been so consumed with planning Ry's first birthday party, it's just ridiculous. I see these cute things that I want to try & then it ends up being a part of her party. I finally wrote a list today of the goodies that I'm going to make, I finalized the centerpieces & finalized the different decorations for the tables. It's just crazy, but I know it's going to be fun.
I miss you. I miss you everyday. I still find myself wanting to call you just to chat or check in. As I drive your van, sometimes I think back to the last day...the last hours, when I was driving & you were sitting next to me in the passenger seat. I think of all the things that you would do or say when I'm just not so sure. I think of all the things you did to keep halau in order & wonder how you did it all.
I received a wonderful email yesterday from the folks at Sight Life. (Mom was a donor & had her cornea's donated) I wrote them about a week & a half ago, asking if they had found anyone to receive your corneas & a lady wrote back saying that they were successfully transplanted & given to 2 different recipients. One to a 60 year old man & the other to a 57 year old man. She gave me paperwork on how to get in contact with them if I choose to do so. The way that it's handled reminds me of adoption paperwork. I can write a letter, but they don't want me using my last name, address or much personal information. After it's written, I send it to Sight Life & they forward it on to the recipients. If the recipients choose to reply, they have to send it to Sight Life who then forwards it to me. I'm not to crazy about the 3rd party deal, but that's just how it works. I want to tell these men how wonderful you were & how you've impacted so many people & all about your journey, but am unsure if that is too much information. It is my hope to meet them, to bring them to a show or to halau, to show them first hand what those eyes have seen all these years, who them all the people who miss you & love you.
Well, I know that you're better off now & are no longer coughing, struggling to breathe, walking tall, singing your heart out...but I'm selfish & wish that I could have you back.
I love you...
Friday, February 26, 2010
Friday, February 26, 2010
Friday, February 19, 2010
Friday, February 19, 2010
Dear Mama~
Anything exciting today? Nothing too much over here. Today I spent most of my day creating some things in preparation for RyRy's 1st birthday party. I decided to do a sweet shoppe for her party with mini desserts & a candy buffet. I'm really excited about it & all the things that I'm trying to make for it, along with the desserts & creative decorations. I wish you could be here to see what I'm doing & to give your opinion.
Nunu is doing well in school & got her report card last week & just needs some help in math, but the rest of her report card is good. Last week I took her to ukulele lessons in Tacoma, which she LOVED & can't wait to go back to. She's also been working with Uncle on a couple songs for Mai Kahiki Mai on May 1st.
Got some exciting news today...but can't post it here quite yet, until I'm given permission. And no, i'm not pregnant. THANK GOD!! LOL
I miss you.
Today is your & Dad's 33rd wedding anniversary. I spoke with him earlier today & he's going to work tonight, but maybe if he doesn't work, then maybe we'll go to dinner or something. I know that he misses you a lot. Especially when he comes home to an empty house.
I love you & hope that you are having a wonderful day.
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Dear Mama,
Happy Valentine's Day.
Nothing exciting going on over here today. Ry hasn't been feeling well for at least a week now & tomorrow I'm going to call the dr. She has a runny nose, is drooling everywhere, had a fever last night & tonight...& while I'm positive that it's due to teething, she's also got a cough that I don't like. So I want to make sure that she's ok. She also has to get her 2nd set of H1N1 shots...that should be lovely.
Not only is today Valentine's Day, but it's also been 3 months since you've been gone. I'm really trying to not consume myself in the 14th of every month, sometimes I'm reminded. Like today it didn't even dawn on me, until Dad called to say Happy Valentine's Day & that it had been 3 months & that your anniversary is coming up on Friday. I already have a mental note of this date & will ask Dad to go to lunch or breakfast.
I miss you. I wish that you were here everyday. I wish that my phone would ring with "Mom" written across the screen...
I love you.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Dear Mom,
Sometimes I find myself thinking of you at the most random times during the day. But not a day goes by that I don't think about the things that we did or the fun times we had or what you would do in similar situations. I think about all the things that Ry does now & how I wish that you could see how much "personality" she has. I know you see her, but I wish that I could look at you while you watch her....so I can see you take it all in & be proud.
I'm a mess this evening. And it seems like I've been crying for almost 2 hours straight now. Ugh...
I have to tell you a story before I go on. I know that you won't read this, but it'll fill others in on my experience..(which I will post a story of Mom's last day one day soon...i promise, it's just hard & i know that you understand)
In the wee hours of Saturday, November 14th, 2009, the EMT crews were trying to get heartbeat before transferring you to the ambulance. I was in the garage because I didn't want to see them working on you. When I heard that they were going to move you to the ambulance, I didn't want to see you like that & I told Uncle Pete that I didn't want to be there when they brought you out. He told me to go to the van & wait in there & that he would bring Ry out to me in a bit. He had taken her in her carseat, into the house, in the kitchen, because it was so cold outside earlier when we arrived at the house. I sat in the car & warmed it up, defrosted the windows & as I peered out through the glass, I saw them wheeling you out on the gurney & loading you up in to the ambulance. There was a Hawaiian mixed CD playing in the CD player. It was labeled Ami Hanaiali'i, but it was a mix of artists. I remember the song playing was so beautiful, slow...but pretty. It was #2 on this mixed CD. And every time when I hear this #2 song play..I cry. Not like a baby, but most times it's just a few tears, because I get taken back to that moment of them wheeling you out from the garage, across the driveway, into the ambulance...it's like slow motion.
About a month ago, Dad, Uncle & I were all in the van going somewhere & the song came on. I asked Uncle "what is this song about?" & he listened & said "OH NO! This is a sad song!!" I asked again & he said "it's about a man who loses his wife & he writes a letter to her asking her where she is, about how he smells her scent in the breeze & is missing her."
So fitting isn't it?
Anyway, on the way home from halau tonight, this song came on & I cried again. A little more than usual as I replayed the night in my head again & then started to reminisce of all the things that we did together, the fun times, the sad times, the food we ate & mostly the things that you're missing right now.
I love you...
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Hi Mom,
How are you today? I'm ok. Just missing you is all. Today is Nanea's birthday & I've been digging on my computers in search for a photo of you & her when she was born & I finally found it.
