Friday, November 12, 2010

Dear Mama...

This morning I am a bit anxious.  Dates are just numbers yet hold so much meaning & I refuse to let the date haunt me for the rest of my life.  As I look back on the dates that have passed & at the dates that are arriving, it only reminds me of what was going on at this time last year.  It reminds me of how scared I was, how scared I was for you, how scared I was to lose you, how scared I was for Dad, how scared I was for halau, how scared I was for Uncle.  This is what I wrote on this day last year...

CLICK HERE FOR NOVEMBER 12, 2009

And I believe that was the first time that I was so bluntly honest about how you were so weak.  I remember crying a lot back then.  I was just scared.

**You'll have to excuse me, because I've spent a lot of time today reminiscing about these last days last year**

Well we are back from Ia Oe E Ka La & we did great!!  We came home with 4 trophies...

**2nd Place - Group Kane Kahiko
**2nd Place - Group Palua Kahiko
**1st Place - Group Palua Auana
**3rd Place - Solo Wahine

We had such a good time & it was so obvious that your presence was very much missed.  From the moment we stepped on the stage for our run through, to going on stage, coming off stage & in the dressing room.  You surrounded all of us & we felt it.

Just before I went on for my solo kahiko, i stood behind the curtain as the 2 ladies waited for my nod to open the curtain.  I took a few deep breaths, I looked up & said "you ready Mama??"  It makes me laugh now, because I think it would've been funny if there was some sort of response...like me tripping on stage or something. LOL  Just before going on for auana, I did the same....took a few deep breaths, I looked up & said "here we go Mom!"  I was so at peace on stage, I wasn't nervous or anything.  However, I looked at Gram a little too early.  Earlier than I wanted to.  When I saw her, she had both hands by her nose, clutching on to a kleenex.  I started to cry at that moment & was in complete blurry cry baby mode by the time I started my ho'i.  But it's ok.

This weekend, we've got a few things lined up to celebrate you.  I hope you enjoy.  Auntie Day sent a lei that is making my house smell so nice...i love it.  I love you & am missing you so much today, which is no different than any other day.